it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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