After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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