Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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