He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
