While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
