I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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