I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
