Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
