Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
