you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
