I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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