I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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