If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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