pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize