he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
