when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
