You can't motorboat a personality
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
