The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
