i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wear drunk well.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
