Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
