I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
