I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I could fuck to npr.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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