ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
