Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
