You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
