I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
