I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
