apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
