yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
