went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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