I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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