I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize