Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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