he puts the penis in happiness.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
