there's paper in my vomit.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
