Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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