i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
