I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
