I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
