I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
