I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
pray to the hookup gods
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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