when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize