It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
