OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
