walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
