You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
