So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize