Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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