In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
