Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize