Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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