So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
