Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
