Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
