There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
