while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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