When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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