I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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