New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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