Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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