Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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