btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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