So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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