I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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