I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
