When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
