Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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