I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
