His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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