doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you didnt know i had herpes?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
