i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
