Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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