I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
