this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
