This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
