I want to have your abortion
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
