i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize