Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
youre lurking in front of me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
