I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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