is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
