Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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