You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
