life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
