Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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