i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
