I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
