dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
