the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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