Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
