this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
