i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
