the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
