The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
