i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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