there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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