the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She bit a glass in half.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
