my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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