How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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