Dual....:-)
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
