She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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