I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just want to make out with him forever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
