The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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