I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
