Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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